What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize