I can tuck mytits in my pants
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize