It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thank you for not boning my boss.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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