you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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