My nipple is on Facebook.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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