she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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