today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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