She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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