I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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