god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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