I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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