So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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