I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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