So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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