I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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