Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize