I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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