Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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