New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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