hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize