when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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