I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just want to make out with him forever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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