Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
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No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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