walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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