she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize