Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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