so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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