how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
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I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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