At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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