Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
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"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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