You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh god it's open bar.
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