did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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