so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize