i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
True college students do jello shots in the library
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize