i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize