i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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