we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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