dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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