I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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