my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize