I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
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