I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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