you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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