Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize