Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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