if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize