Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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