i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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