I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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