she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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